the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
