i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this is an emotional support booty call
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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