You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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