I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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