if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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