i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
