her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
