She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
