I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
