I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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