Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
