I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
