remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize