I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize