I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
