Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
