guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
