Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
