That's intense
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
