i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
