Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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