bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pooping to opera.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
