so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
