if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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