9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
