We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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