So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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