I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
