We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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