Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
high people should be assigned attendants
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
