You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
