So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
