i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
