I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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