Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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