barbara walters just said penis...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
