Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
