beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i believe in u and ur pee
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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