Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just googled if crying burns calories
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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