fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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