Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
