Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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