I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
