The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
