you traded sex for a burrito?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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