Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize