After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize