I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
