yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
