So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
