Already got asked if we're dating
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize