the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
