God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
