Don't you send me to vm
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
