i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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