I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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