Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you would pick up someone in the library
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
