haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
