Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
