I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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