I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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