I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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