i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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