my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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