we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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