i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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