I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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