there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
