You made me cry and you don't even care
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
