i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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