Best friends brother. Beat that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
