its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
