I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
