I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
