I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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