We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
